Subject: FW: Fast Forward
From: "Ron Hellyer" <[email-masked]>
To: "'Fatherhood Foundation'" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:23:45 +0930

17th Feb 07

 
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Issue 233 - 5 th February, 2007 	Go to our website Here
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*	Hello Ron <>  

*	Grandads <>  

*	Laughter <>  

*	Single Dads  <> 

*	Special Feature <>  

*	Thought of the Week <>  

*	All You Need is Love <>  

*	News  <> & Info 

*	Dad's Prayer <>  

*	Help Us <>  

Hello Ron

 
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ck%20movie.jpg> 

Adam Sandler is a very funny man, but can be a bit rough around the edges
for my liking. Alas, so is much of modern comedy. The movie 'Click' is
Sandler to a tee. Happy Gilmore move over. Acerbic, sharp, funny and pushing
the boundaries of humour (often in the wrong direction) this movie is
something more than a comedy. 'Click' packs a message with a steel punch.
Put family first is the message, and Sandler shows no mercy in its delivery.
The story centres around a guy who is given a remote control so that he can
stop, rewind or fast forward at any time in his life all the things that
happen to him. At first this seems like a great idea, but later in the movie
he realises that his tendency to fast-forward-bias in his life has become a
default setting on the remote control, whilst rewind has become next to
impossible. I'm sure every man who loves his remote control would dream
about the possibilities.

'Click' is a parody of modern life in the fast lane. Does anyone remember
the song? The trouble is that the fast lane is not a good place to raise a
family, nor is it a good place for the soul. Maybe we should heed more often
Simon & Garfunkel's words, "Slow down you move too fast" in our increasingly
frenetic world.

Margaret J Wheatley gave a speech a few years ago at the Robert K Greenleaf
Centre for Servant Leadership annual conference. Her words are poignant and
articulate the problem well. 

"This really is a movement in a direction of being able to create a future
that we all want. I feel a strong imperative. I feel the peril of this
moment, that if we don't learn how to come together differently, in our
organisation, in our communities, in our families. If we don't learn how to
come together differently, then we are doomed. No this is said a little more
elegantly by Gary Snyder, the American poet. He wrote this in the sixties,
that's rather depressing to me because he had already given up by then and
here we are at the millennium. But he called this poem, 'For the Children'.

The rising hills. The slopes of statistics lie before us.

The steep climb of everything going up, up as we all

Go down. In the next century they say our valleys and

Pastures, we can meet there in peace, if we make it.

To climb these coming crests, one word to you, to you

And your children. Stay together, learn the flowers,

Go light. Stay together, learn the flowers, go light.

I believe that is our work. I want to talk about each of those things. One
of the strange things going on at the end of this millennium in western
culture is that we have become, I believe, victims of many different
beliefs. I'm only going to talk about two of them today.

The first is the belief that we can ignore time. The belief that we can
negotiate with time, that we have in fact forgotten about things like
natural rhythms, about cycles, about change, as part of the natural process.
And instead we believe that it's a straight trajectory into the future, and
we can go as fast as we please. Of course this moves us away from nature,
from rhythm, from a sense of place, and we are really struggling with this.
I believe that our current effort to try and ignore time and growth and
stages and cycles. I believe it is truly driving us crazy.

Lawrence Van der Post the south African writer, photographer, philosopher,
said that things had gotten so serious in the world that he really feared
for us. Someone asked him, "Well, what would you recommend, Sir Lawrence?
What would you recommend that we do?", he said, "I would declare a year of
silence."

Poet Pablo Neruda said the same thing: "Now we will count to twelve and we
will all keep still. For once on the face of the earth, let's not speak in
any language. Let's stop for one second and not move our arm so much. It
would be an exotic moment. Without rush, without engines, we would all be
together in a sudden strangeness. If we were not so single minded, in
keeping our lives moving and for once could do nothing perhaps" (this is the
part of this poem I love.) "Perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this
sadness of never understanding ourselves, and with threatening ourselves
with death."

Lovework

Silence is golden. Rest is important. 'Time to stop and stare' as the poet
Robbie Burns said are critical factors to recharge the batteries. Fasting is
a wonderful way to give your body a rest. Prayer is a wonderful way to
recharge your spirit.

If you live your life in fast forward you will most likely destroy your
family as Adam Sandler so eloquently points out in 'Click'. If you remember
nothing else don't forget the melody to 'Slow down you move too fast'. Life
is to be enjoyed, not endured.

Yours for living in the moment.

Warwick Marsh

PS Good news! Some parts of the East Coast have had their best rain in many
years. Who says that prayer does not work?

The drought still grips the southern half of Australia and South-Eastern
Queensland. For those who are willing and able check the information
regarding the National Solemn Assembly for 9-11 March in Canberra. The NSA
is the culmination of a 40 Day period of preparation, prayer and fasting for
the breaking of the drought.

 

 ___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 31 years. He is the father of
five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years to 14
years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who
likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 
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.jpg> 

The foolish man seeks happiness 

in the distance;

The wise grows it under his feet.

James Openheim

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Laughter

 

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Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work
to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another
in the dryer.  Dinner was on the stove, and the table set.

She was astonished!

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who work
full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.

The night went well and the next day, she
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told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even
cleaned up. He helped the kids do  their homework, folded all the laundry
and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening."

 "But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

 

"Oh, that .., Ralph was too tired.."

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Single Dads 

 

Berlin, Krakow, Auschwitz
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By Tony Miller

As some of the readers know I am touring Europe at present on the cheap with
my son. It has been the most difficult trip of my life. I am 51, he is 21.
He has backpacked much for his age, for me it's the first time. But that has
not been so much the difficult part. It has more to do with a dad trying to
break into what sadly seems a closed heart. We have spent most of the latter
part of his young life apart and the object, at least from me, was to try
and catch up. I guess try and understand each other and try and understand
the past a little better. Just a dad who still sees a little boy rather then
a man. A dad who still remembers the cuddles and the kisses from his boy. A
dad just trying to catch up on the years between. I have shed some tears,
quietly and away from view on this trip, and I suppose there will possibly
be more to come. I am not giving up, this is my boy, my son, whatever it
takes, I must reach into this heart and break the shell that has surrounded
it.

We are in Krakow Poland at present after travelling the night train from
Berlin. It was on this train yesterday in the early hours of the morning
that I realised the gravity of this particular leg of the trip meant. We had
booked a 'couchette', a kind of cabin which has six bunks you share with
other passengers. It was not very comfortable and I found the stench from
the toilets invading the room. I spoke to a guy who was sharing our cabin
during the night and asked if he was on holidays, in broken English he
explained he was going home to bury his mother. I said I was sorry and left
it at that. I couldn't sleep very well, trying to figure out if I was doing
the right thing trying to connect with my boy or not. Eventually the swaying
of the train lulled me into sleep and I awoke in the very early hours of
light. I got up and stood in the corridor of the train staring out at the
bleak countryside covered in snow.

It was here as I stared out that window that I realised that a group of
people also travelled this same route only they were standing, jammed in
like sardines into cattle trucks. I wondered as my eye caught this structure
or tree or mountain or hill, if some poor soul's eye maybe caught that same
object so many years ago through the cracks of their carriage. They stood
side by side, too crammed even to sit, a bucket in the corner was their
toilet if they could reach it, most could not so they defecated where they
stood, the stench would of pervaded every inch of their cramped space. The
old and frail, the young, the children, oh the poor children, how terrifying
it must of been. Here I was complaining in my mind of the conditions I was
travelling, the more the train travelled the more I understood. Those
travellers so long ago had no idea of what lay ahead.

I had undertaken this part of the trip to impart a lesson on my young bloke.
My dad had often talked of the war and always ended these conversations with
'mans inhumanity to man' while shaking his head as if in disgust. My reason
for bringing my young bloke here was simple. The survivors of the Holocaust
are dying out. The memory needs to be passed on so it doesn't happen again.
Although sadly you only need to turn on the TV or pick up a newspaper to see
it is still happening all over the world. And for some of us we don't need
even to look that far, for some you only need to look into your own
backyard. 'Mans inhumanity to man', in its most simple form, is purely an
act of unkindness to your fellow man. I think we can all be guilty of that
in some form or other.

Anyway, I am just a dad trying to impart a lesson, something I guess to
leave behind me. I am just a dad and dads should show their young the way. I
haven't been a great example in the past, maybe I can make up some time on
this trip. Only the future knows. Tomorrow we head for Auschwitz Birkenau,
and it is there I wish to pay my respects to those that went through its
gates and those that didn't make it. It is also where I want to find
forgiveness in my heart for those that perpetrated those terrible crimes.
Sounds strange doesn't it? But that's also the lesson I wish to impart to my
boy. Forgiveness, often it's a very hard ask, none the less, you cannot move
forward unless you can find it.

Tony Miller 

Founder Dads in Distress

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Special Feature

 

Slow Down! You Move Too Fast

By Adrienne Mand
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ABC News Nov 1 2004

Carl Honoré, a recovered "speedaholic," had an epiphany three years ago that
caused him to slow down the hectic pace of his life. 

A journalist based in London, Honoré read a newspaper article on timesaving
tips that referenced a book of one-minute bedtime stories. He found it an
appealing idea since he'd already gotten in the habit of speed-reading "The
Cat in the Hat" to his son. 

"My first reaction was, yes, one-minute bedtime stories," he said. "My next
thought was, whoa, has it really come to this? That was really when a light
bulb went off in my head." 

He realized he had become so anxious to rush through the nightly ritual that
he'd rather get seven or even eight stories done in less time than he'd
normally spend reading one, quality time be damned. 

So he embarked on finding a way to address the issue of "time poverty," the
constant fast-forward motion in which many overscheduled, stressed-out
Americans are always rushing toward their next task - work, meals, family
time, even sex - rather than savoring what they consider most important. 

Honoré's recent book, "In Praise of Slowness: How a Worldwide Movement Is
Challenging the Cult of Speed," has made him the unofficial godfather of a
growing cultural shift toward slowing down. 

"[There's a] backlash against the mainstream dictate that faster is always
better, which puts quantity always ahead of quality," he said. "People all
across the West are waking up to the folly of that." 

For advocates of the Slow Movement, it's not about rejecting technology or
changing modern life completely, but rather about keeping it all in balance
- not talking on the phone, driving and checking a BlackBerry while headed
to the drive-thru before the next meeting. 

"I love technology. I love speed. You need some things to be fast - ice
hockey, squash, a fast Internet connection," Honoré said. But, he said, "My
passion for speed had become an addiction. I was doing everything faster." 

Americans Start to Embrace the Slow

The Slow Movement has been thriving for years in Europe, where Slow Cities
encourage walking and more interaction with people. Slow Food, which
advocates both healthy ingredients in cooking as well as enjoying meals, has
been a force since the 1980s. 

In the United States, the movement is small but growing. Slow Food USA has
grown to 12,000 members in 140 chapters from 1,500 adherents when it was
founded in 2000. 

Erika Lesser, executive director of Slow Food USA, said part of the movement
is about slowing down enough to not only enjoy food but spend time eating -
not just at a desk or in front of the TV. "It's something that we talk about
all the time, something which manifests itself in what we try to set as an
example for our members," she said. "Slowness is a philosophical idea. It's
not like following a diet. People interpret it in their own way." 

Even people with the most hectic schedules can apply some of the values to
their lives, she said, by cooking one meal a week with family and friends
and shopping at local farmer's markets rather than supermarkets. 

In addition, Slow Food USA is working with schools to create gardens and
utilize their produce to teach about biodiversity in the food supply. "We've
tapped into this vein of interest in alternative food choices," she said. 

Seeking a Work-Life Balance

Between working long hours and constantly being connected to the office by
technology, the division between work and personal time is often blurred for
many Americans. But there's momentum behind a movement to ensure that a
work-life balance can be achieved. 

The Take Back Your Time initiative in North America is advocating more
personal time and simpler lives for all individuals. "Our feeling was one of
the biggest prices that Americans pay for our endless obsession with having
more stuff and ever-expanding material life and we never get a break from
work, despite labor-saving and time-saving devices," said national
coordinator John de Graaf. "We feel the cost of our country's extreme
orientation to consumerism." 

De Graaf said the group hopes to initiate legislation to address things such
as paid family and medical leave, three weeks minimum annual paid vacation
and a cap on mandatory overtime, policies that are in place in other
countries. 

In fact, if you lived in many parts of Europe and had not taken any time
off, as of this week you could take nine weeks vacation - the rest of the
year. To highlight this, Oct. 24 marked 

"Take Back Your Time Day," symbolizing the 350-hour difference in work time.
"That's a lot of time that's taken away from other things people might be
able to do," de Graaf said. 

To mark the day, the group encouraged people to host such things as
barbecues and family events, as well as church discussions. But the effort
should not be mistaken for "international slackers day," de Graaf said. 

"We're not about being lazy," he said. "We believe work is important and
valuable, but we believe Americans have pushed themselves too far. 

"We certainly believe that companies can do this," he added. "We need some
legislation that sets some floors. Everything that we're asking for is
pretty much already the law in other industrialized countries in the world,
capitalist countries." 

What to Do?

To transition to a slower life, Honoré has several suggestions: don't
schedule something in every free moment of your day; prioritize activities
and cut from the bottom of the list; limit television watching; and keep an
eye on your "personal speedometer" so you can gauge when you are rushing for
speed's sake rather than necessity. 

But don't expect the change to happen immediately - or even naturally. "You
don't slow down by snapping you're fingers, 'Now I'm slow,' " said Honoré,
who got a speeding ticket on his way to a Slow Food dinner as he researched
the book. 

"That happens," he said. "My life has been transformed by it, but I still
feel that old itch." 

Though it may seem radical to opt out of standard activities or turn off
your cell phone, you won't be alone. There are many people saying "slow"
should not be demonized but celebrated as a healthier way of life. 

"They're battling against basic human impulses, as well as the prevailing
culture," Honoré said. "But once they make the jump and see how much it pays
off, they don't look back. Nobody has two burnouts." 

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Thought of the Week

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To you and your children.

Stay together, learn the flowers, go light

Stay together, learn the flowers, go light.

Gary Snyder

(quote from poem - For the Children)

 

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All You Need is Love

  

Exes Who Remarry Feel Lucky For Second Chance
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Some Divorced Couples Give Marriage Another Shot

10News.com 

San Diego

Feb 9, 2007

For Pepper and Ron Miller, divorce was the best thing to happen to their
marriage.

The pair wed in 1988, split in 1996 and then tied the knot again in 2001.
They say being married the second time around has been healthier and more
stable thanks to the time they spent apart.

In those five years, the Millers attended therapy and reflected individually
on what they learned. Pepper practiced putting her needs first in
relationships, something she says she failed to do while married the first
time, and which led to resentment on her part.

"I wasn't as secure as I thought I should be," says Pepper, founder of The
Hunter Miller Group, a consumer research and marketing firm in Chicago. "I
made the marriage more about Ron. I didn't stand up for myself enough. If
you don't know your own value then the other person doesn't."

Ron, a real estate broker, says he came to understand that Pepper, who was
an only child, treats her girlfriends as sisters and spends a lot of time
socializing. While those close relationships initially irked him, Ron, who
grew up in a large family, came to accept them and appreciate how important

they were to Pepper.

So the pair, who continued to attend the same church after their divorce,
gradually began seeing each other again -- first over casual lunches and
later romantically. They formed a friendship they say was lacking the first
time around. They realized they shared values and goals.

And in August 2001, while on a cruise with her father, Pepper found a note
from Ron in her suitcase. In it, he asked her to marry him. She e-mailed
back a yes.

It's not just celebrity couples who get hitched again after a
well-publicized break, though there have been plenty of those. Elizabeth
Taylor and Richard Burton did it in 1975, but split a year later. Natalie
Wood and Robert Wagner made a second go of it in 1972 and stayed together
until her death nine years later. Rapper Eminem and his wife, Kimberly,
married in 1999 and again in 2006, the latter marriage lasting a little over
three months.

There are no statistics on how many people remarry their exes, or how many
of those remarriages succeed. But nearly half of first marriages in the
United States end in divorce, and more than 60 percent of second marriages
do.

So what compels couples to try again?

Some, therapists say, wed young and regret never having played the field.
Once they return to the dating world, they realize that what they had wasn't
so bad.

Others split after falling out of love. Convinced they just needed a
different spouse, they find they miss the one they were with.

And then there are those who divorce after the ups and downs of marriage
become too much to bear. With time and therapy, however, they realize the
importance of communication and forgiveness, and rekindle their love.

"Some people get divorced too quickly," says William J. Doherty, director of
the marriage and family therapy program at the University of Minnesota and
author of "Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls
Us Apart" (Guilford Press, 2001).

"Some people get divorced because they fall in love with somebody else and
that other relationship breaks up. Some people get divorced when they are
not smart enough to know that they were going through a rough patch."

A couple that breaks up over something relatively clearcut, such as drug or
alcohol addiction or an extramarital affair, might seem to have a slim shot
of success the second time around, but some experts beg to differ. They say
that if the guilty party curbs the habit or wins forgiveness, a second try
at marriage could succeed.

"If it is something external like that, I think it is easier for the
partners to tie their breakup to that event than if it is something less
tangible like, 'Well, I woke up today and decided I don't really like you,"'
says James Morris, assistant professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at

Texas Tech University.

And there is a second group of people affected by remarriers: their kids,
who can suffer more disappointment.

"Many children of divorce carry with them hidden secret fantasies that mom
and dad will get back together," says Craig Everett, director of the Arizona
Institute for Family Therapy and the editor of the "Journal of Divorce and
Remarriage." "But when mom and dad actually get back together, it can
rekindle a lot of the pain and anger they experienced when mom and dad were
fighting before they got divorced."

So what do therapists advise for couples willing to get hitched again?

Therapy helped the Millers. For instance, Pepper had refused to "fix Ron's
plate," a custom among some blacks in which a wife serves her husband his
meal as a sign of affection. Pepper found it too subservient. In therapy,
she learned that Ron had grown up having his meal delivered by his mother
and sisters, and to him it was a demonstration of love.

So one day after they got back together, Pepper brought a plate to him as he
watched TV. She then went back into the kitchen to load the dishwasher, only
to be interrupted by a bear hug from Ron.

"That's learning to love someone the way they need to be loved," she says.
"That's something I didn't see the first time."

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News & Info

 

Australia's Drought

A Call to Pray and Fast
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Sydney%20Catchment%2
0pic.jpg> 

Forty Days of Prayer & Preparation 

beginning Australia Day - 26 Jan 07

The current drought, which is affecting most parts of southern and eastern
Australia, is currently reaching crisis proportions. Chris Davis, CEO of the
Australian Water Association, says the drought has surpassed the Federation
drought of 1895-1902. As the worst drought on record, Blair Trewin, one of
the authors of the enclosed 12 month drought report from the Bureau of
Meteorology, is more cautious than Chris Davis and his assessment is that
some parts of South Eastern Australia and Southern and South Western
Australia are not as bad as the Federation drought but some areas are much
worse. The final Annual Climate Statement 2006 from the Bureau of
Meteorology is also attached or follow the link: 

<http://www.bom.gov.au/announcements/media_releases/climate/change/20070103.
shtml>
http://www.bom.gov.au/announcements/media_releases/climate/change/20070103.s
html 

Dam levels for capital cities: 

BRISBANE: 21.99% 

SYDNEY: 37% 

CANBERRA: 35.17% 

MELBOURNE: 35.2% 

HOBART: 94.00% 

ADELAIDE: 56.00 % 

PERTH: 24.2% 

DARWIN: 79% 

 

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MAKE 2007 THE YEARTO BEAT 

CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE

Make 2007 the year to keep your heart healthy. 

Listed below are some great tips to get you started:

*        Physical activity doesn't have to be vigorous - at any age, brisk
walking for 30 minutes is a great way to keep healthy.

*        Make regular visits to your GP to have your cholesterol levels and
blood pressure checked.

*        Commit to changing your diet. Choose lean meats, skinless poultry,
oily fish and stick to the low and reduced-fat diary products.

*        Plant-based foods are another healthier choice. Eat plenty of
vegetables, fruit and legumes and choose wholegrain products.

*        If you smoke, give your body a break and quit the cigarettes once
and for all.

From the Heart Foundation

 <http://www.heartfoundation.com.au/> www.heartfoundation.com.au 

___________________________________________________

Grandparents taken for granted

  <http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21210337-421,00.html>
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21210337-421,00.html

___________________________________________________

 

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

We are pleased to announce the birth of our new baby daughter!

Mackenzie (no middle name yet) Reid. Born 14th February 2007. 11:16pm.
3.600g (7lb15oz) 50cm. Mum and bub both well. Dad recovering slowly.

Josh & Loretta Reid

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

For those of you who may not have already heard; Jessica Yvette Tawse was
born 4:25pm Wednesday 14/2/07 (induced at 5 days late!), weighing 3.55kg
(7lb13), 50.5cm long. Yve and Jessica are happy and healthy and spending
some time getting to know each other in Newcastle Private Hospital! Tony and
Emily are spending some time keeping each other busy and also visiting Yve
and Jessica.

Tony & Yve Tawse

 

******************************
Dear Fathehood Foundation, 

Hi Warwick,
Great news about your office space!
God is (ALWAYS) faithful.
Bless ya heaps.

Martins

P.S. How is the recruiting going?

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Dad's Prayer

 
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Dear God

The sky is so blue.

The flowers are so beautiful.

Your creation speaks 

of many things not yet seen.

The air is alive with mystery,

The moments have not yet been experienced.

So let me enjoy the moment with you

and with the ones I love

because all we have is 

this moment, and each other.

Everything comes from you

and goes back to you,

so let us enjoy the journey together.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
<http://www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of
harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved,
protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and
their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public
Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income
Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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